No Wonder People Envy Writers

Pandora opening the boxI feel lazy. I’m tired of working. I don’t even have a job and I’m tired of working. If you want to have a laziness contest against me, you better plan to do some sitting around. On Labor Day I had plans to labor, thus:

  • look for work
  • look for work
  • look for work
  • write some more on the novel

Here’s what I actually did on Labor Day:

  • sleep
  • read a couple of Russian articles on the web
  • take a shower
  • screw it, go to the bookstore

I don’t generally write as much as I think I could, or do anything as much as I think I could. It perplexes me a bit why I’m not able to be more disciplined. I always intend to be a sterling example for the young, to demonstrate Self Discipline, Rigor, and Confident Perseverance. But then I get sleepy or find pictures of the funniest cats on the internet.

Yet I do continue to write, moving the novel slooowly ahead. I’m up to 60 pages, and I’m just now beginning to send Benedict and Miramar west by car in 2011. I discovered that there’s an Indian reservation near their route so I thought of having them go there. Naturally I had to read about the reservation, and then I saw it has a casino, so I had to read about that. Inside the casino are several restaurants, and that was interesting, and with one of the restaurants I started looking at the menu, so I spent a while looking at a menu thinking about what I’d like to eat. Novel? What novel? I’ve also got Benedict and Miramar started east by train in 1876, so they are headed in both directions.

As further instructional material for the young, here is an example of my writing process in 13 easy steps:

(1) While eating lunch, think about what a cool idea for a book this is.

(2) While driving to the store in the afternoon, think about how much people will like the book.

(3) Around 6:00, when job searching is over for the day and now I can write, go outside instead to sit with a beer, because I’m not a robot, goddamnit, I need a break. Another break.

(4) 7:00, fix supper.

(5) 8:30 or so, after cleaning up from supper, check what that song is that’s playing on Pandora.

(6) 8:35, seriously get down to writing now.

(7) 8:36, just make a quick check of news headlines, because I’m an educated person and I ought to keep up with what’s going on, and there are big things happening in Libya and Syria, and what about that Rick Perry guy, what’s up with him?

(8) 9:00, it’s getting late now, and I really have to buckle down.

(9) 9:03, only take one minute to see what that song is that Pandora is playing.

(10) 9:10, OK OK OK, I’m writing, I’m writing.

(11) Go to the end of the book, look at the blank screen, think “Oh Jesus” and go back up a couple of pages to reread what I already wrote.

(12) Revise what’s already written.

(13) Finally reach the end, and think about what comes next. Should I describe the food they’re eating, or just say they ate? If I describe the food, should I use adjectives and make it sound yummy? Is this a spot to try to be clever, or just be functional to move the story along? Write a sentence.

I’m sure anyone can do this, as long as you like beer. If necessary, you could use those fruity Belgian beers, though I believe you’re supposed to write Romance novels if you’re going to drink those.

So let’s wish each other luck with our literary careers. На здоровье! That’s Russian for “drink up”, and you know they write a lot of novels over there.



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Filed under Giving Birth to a Book (That's Why I'm Screaming), Writing While Living

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